I weighed in on Sunday. I had another gain. I am pretty sure I have never felt worse about my weight than I did yesterday. After the weigh in clerk recorded my weight, I bit my lip and held back my tears as I made my way to my seat. I wanted to run away from the meeting. Go sit in my car and cry. But, I didn't. I texted Justin and my friend that is helping me trying to help me stay on track. I continued to bite my lip while my leader discussed exercise. I felt like a huge failure and like I didn't deserve to be there.
I know what I am doing wrong. I am not following the plan. I am not counting points. I am not keeping myself accountable. I am having food from work. I am not exercising. I am not making good choices when we eat out. I know what to do right. I know I have to count points, be honest with myself, only eat food I know what is in it, MOVE/exercise and most importantly, when we eat out - don't throw all my hard work out the window. But why is it so damn hard? It is like having an open book test but not using your books? Why do I make this so complicated? Why?!?!
For some reason I keep slipping. I keep making bad food choices. I am not ready to give up or go back to eating whatever I want all the time. I am not ready to stop trying to get healthy. I so badly want to start a family of our own. I have no idea why losing weight is so hard when I have a goal of a family.
Now, don't worry. I am going to give this week my all. I am going to go back to tracking everything and drinking my water. I am going to go back to putting 100% into this. But I wish it was easier. I wish there was a magic button to push or a magic pill to take and the weight would be gone instantly. Don't we all?
Tell me, have you experienced these kind of highs and lows on your journey? How'd you overcome them?
Here is to a new week.